Arini rasa cam nak marah sume orang.....

Serius...sangat-sangat tension sampai rasa cam bila orang cakap je...rasa nak penampar....

Ape sebabnya..aku sendiri pun tak tahu...

Dah lama tak rasa betul-betul happy....macam sume tu dah pergi jauh-jauh dari aku...

Mungkin sumenya berpunca dari aku sendiri...tak tahu nak arrange life sendiri...so that's why..everything ends up like now...

Nak mengadu pun tak tahu ngan sape..nak simpan sume sendiri pun rasa makin lama makin berat...

Dulu..time study..jauh dari rumah..jauh dari family..asyik fikir nak balik je.. But now...bila 24/7 kat rumah je...rasa kalau boleh nak lari jauh-jauh... "what i felt right now..really hard to explain...really complicated"



It's less than a month before my convocation...before fly to KK, Sabah...but I have no preparation...I feels like don't want to go... because I can't imagine how sad I am on that day...even i go there or not...I'm still sad.... seriously....I'm not that strong....and I'm tired of pretending like everything is ok...in fact...it's not....



But..no matter what...I need to be strong because "ALLAH is always there for me".....

OPICK-CAHAYA HATI

Allah engkau dekat
Penuh kasih sayang
Takkan pernah engkau
Biarkan hamba Mu menangis
Karna kemurahan Mu
Karna kasih sayang Mu
Hanya bila diri Mu
Ingin nyatakan cinta
Pada jiwa jiwa yang rela
Dia kekasih Mu
Kau yang selalu terjaga
Yang memberi segala
Allah Rohman Allah Rohim
Allahu Ya Ghofar Ya Nurul Qolbi
Allah Rohman Allah Rohim
Allahu Ya Ghofar Ya Nurul Qolbi
Di setiap nafas di segala waktu
Semua bersujud memuji memuja asthma Mu
Kau yang selalu terjaga
Yang memberi segala
Setiap makhluk bergantung padaMu
Dan bersujud semesta untuk Mu
Setiap wajah mendamba cinta Mu cahaya Mu....

I need some space...

Kadang-kadang sakit juga kalau semuanya kena simpan je dalam hati.....


Kan bagus kalau boleh lepaskan semua.......nak jerit kuat-kuat......

Wordless Wednesday.....

I just want to shout out loud.............



"SAYA KECEWA DENGAN DIRI SAYA SENDIRI............................."

HOPELESS

USELESS

NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Susah jadi orang susah.....

The title is so complicated.....and so the story....really complicated.....




Sebab saya susah....saya akan usaha untuk jadi orang yang tak susah.....




need to change everything.....I'm so tired of thinking about everything.....





Tak tahu nak cakap ape lagi....



Just keep jealous looking of others....hmmm....

Done...but why I'm not that happy??

YESSS.....I'm done bought my flight ticket...



Will fly to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah...on November 22nd....



Stay there about 10 days....and fly back to Kedah...home sweet home on December 2nd....




The reason I'm going there....hmmm....CONVOCATION.....





Yess.....it's my convocation....at last...after a really really tired and hard time for about 4 years....it's worth waiting.....eventhough.....still blur blur about the thing name "FUTURE".........




Don't know why....but feels like screaming......scream my heart out....


not because I'm happy....walaupun sepatutnya happy.....





I bought only 1 seat.....I got only1 ticket....oh no....it's not what i want.....





MY DREAMS JUST BROKE INTO PIECES....."hancur berkecai".....





I'm dreams of....for at least someone will be by my side during that precious day......'my convocation'......but....there's nothing I can do.....aaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh...............






Even dah confirm will be there and will hold the degree...the scroll....by my own hand...but....seriously.....I'm not happy.....can't imagine that moment....."where people hug their parents, get many bouquet of flowers, taking pictures with family....while me......just standing aside and watching......and just imagine if only for once....I can have what they have....oh no......just talking about this....makes me crying.... T_T....

 

................Ya Allah....aku redha.....namun.....berikan aku kekuatan...sekuat-kuatnya.....untuk aku mampu lalui segalanya dengan tabah......... T_T

Full of story...

Only now I realize how ugly and how hard the outside world is.......


I want to be a student again....where I don't have to think about everything that I need to think now....so hard to breath....huhhhhh...... T_T





But no matter what...I have 'orang-orang yg baik di sekeliling sy'....feel bless....thanks to them...for at least..because of them....'sy rasa kuat...untuk berdiri atas kaki sendiri'....





I live in a family that full of problem...'I admit' it's not that easy... but Allah tu Maha Adil...Dia adakan untuk aku orang-orang yang baik yang sentiasa ada di sisi aku....syukur alhamdulillah......





My routine for these 4-5 months....eat..sleep..messaging...online...n on Sunday out for dating....haaahhhh...cannot imagine how bored my life is....




But there's one good news for me...I'm passed the JPJ test....nnnn my license is on the way...yaaayyyyyy......
October 5th...PASSED.... (hohoho....over)




So........today is Sunday...waiting for dating... :)

Love him... <3

Will update update lagi... :) 

p/s ; Today extra happy....thanks untuk Pza_Junsu and Bb_Turtle...for make my day....hug kamu kuat2..

I need to do something..but yet I'm doing nothing... I THINK I'M USELESS!!!!

Life is so hard for me now....all such things name 'HAPPINESS' is no longer mine.....
Ya I'm useless....I'm just saying I'm give up without trying to do anything...
But it's not that I'm not trying but everytime I tried to do something...everything will end up to something difficult...


Really....I'm dying inside....

My love for u getting stronger....

Another 1 year had passed...and this is our 6th years together...sharing everything...

My Everything... I want u to know how much I love u...

How much I glad to have u in my life...

How much I appreciate for every single things that happen between us....

Be with me...forever...

Sayang...thanz for the pink rose..i love it so much.... <3




HAPPY 6TH ANNIVERSARY 'my Mr. Everything'..... :)

I enjoy my life...but sometimes I feel really tired...

Where to start???

I'm tired of thinking about everything...

Seems like everything in dark...cannot be seen at all....


If only I can have everything that I need....just everything that I need....




Sometimes...I wonder....when is my time??????
To fulfill everything that I need....
To be as happy as others....
To at least...make 1 or 2 or 3 of my thousand dreams come true....????



I'm tired of just looking others......
Really tired.....



..............Where to get $$$$$$ for my convo???........

LIFE and DECISION...

Life is so hard to explain......so complicated to be describe...
I never know how to explain everything that I felt in an easy words......
And I believe that its just the same like you...you...and you....



After finishing my degree...while waiting for the precious graduation day....
I keep thinking about everything....and it makes me sick....


Its really hard when we need to do everything by own.....
Really hard when the decision that we make is the decision for our entire life...



...........hope that the decision that I make is the best for me...for my life...................


p/s: Wish me luck....the best luck.....

Tuhan Penentu Segalanya....

Setiap sesuatu yang terjadi dalam hidup seseorang itu...semuanya atas ketentuan Ilahi...semuanya telah tertulis untuk kita...baik atau buruk..terpaksa diterima dengan hati yang terbuka...kerana dia lebih mengetahui......


.................Tuhan  tak akan menduga seseorang manuasia itu lebih dari kemampuan mereka......................




p/s : to my beloved sister n brother in law... I hope both of you be strong...
I will always pray for their happiness....

I miss my BFF...so so much....

First thing first....to my BFF Fizah_Junsu...Hepy besday to U...Hepy Besday to u...Hepy besday to Fizah... Hepy besday to U!!!!!...need to sing it while reading ok....My BFF dah jadi unnie...me her dongsaeng...yayyyyy!!!!!!!!!



My wish for u....hope u hepy2 always...panjang umur..murah rezeki...n wish that u will be success in everything you do...love u...hehehe....

Special birthday cake.....:D

All in blue......just because u like it so much...:)

13 May 2011....really a hard day for me...need to be apart from my BFF...Fizah..BB..Amy...
We cry...n hug each other....


I never realize that I love them that much.....but now I can say that....they are so special for me....they are a part of my life....n...no matter what happen in the future...they will always be special for me...


Our last vacation is the best ever....and we creates our last memories there....... we're all happy...but I know deep deep inside our heart....there's a feeling that we can't express....for me..what I can say is that....I'm happy but my heart is crying......for the first time..I feels like...why...why...



Friends.....I hope our friendship is forever...no matter where are we...no matter what our future is....we still friends....

Fizah...Bb.....Amy....thanks so much for everything.....thanks for being my very best friends.....thanks for always be with me...in all my hard time...I really appreciate it... :'(



Love u all..... <3

Future...please tell me what to do.....

Everything keep moving....without me realizing everything's that happen..
One more step...I'm moving to another phase..another stage...another challenging life....


I'm done with my university life...


No more lecture....


No more assignment...


No more exam....



nnnnnnnnnnn.............no more teslian friends.....

Last memories with all teslians....(me at the back...)

Heartbreak Quotes

Hepy Belated Birthday 'Mr. Everything'...

Miyo lambat wish birthday for 'Mr. Everything'....so...that's why its 'belated birthday'....miyo memang camni..selalu je lambat....lambat update...lambat macam-macamla..... tapi ema awal-awal lagi dah...dah prepare present for 'Mr. Everything'....and also give wish and present for him in advance...ni sume salah posmen...awal betul pegi anta hadiah tu....tapi salah saye jugak.....pegi anta present tu awal-awal sape suruh....hahahahahaha........semangat.......guna pos laju lagi....laju betul la....anta 22th February....23th delivered....birthday 25th...hmmm....sape nak jawab tu....



cedih.....the 4th year can't celebrate his birthday together with him.....because me at Sabah....he at Kedah.....hmmmmmmm......what to do.....hope next year.....it's different.....hehehe...




Every February.....in every year....I will prepare 2 present 2 wish for 2 people that is 2 meaningful in my life....yang I 2 sayang......1st my 'Mr. Everything'.....nnnnnnn.....my beloved sis :)





1 month before birthday I dah fikir ape present yang best.......so........that's why la.....tak sabar betul nak kasi......tapi takpe kan....better 'in advance' rather than 'belated'.........betul x????



Walaupun dah lambat.....but I still wanna have this wish for them....my special person in my life....in my 'lovy dovy blog' here......soooooo........

For my 'My Everything'..............

Hepy Birthday cayang..........;)
I always pray for all the best thing to be happen in your life......
To be happy..........in every single day of your life....



Love u sooooooo much..........nnnnn.......really miss you....


p/s: Wanna give you a more more bigger present......in next next next year....:)



For my beloved sister....same wish goes to you...

Hepy Birthday.....
I know you have a very happy birthday celebration with your husband......
wish u all the best...


jealous....jealous.....hehe



I'm hepy if u all hepy.....




p/s: I'm hepy here because  you two are now older than me..... :D

Finally…The end…..

Arghhhhhh…..glad 1001++++times….finally the mid-sem break ended/finished/ape2la kan…yang penting dah habis…

Bak kata c mat..kawan kepada bekas kawan kami yang nak amik master… “HABIIISSSS”

p/s: pza junsu n bb turtle..for sure u all tahu kan how to pronounce that “HABIIISSSS”… hikhikhik…ssshhhhh…..

Ok..nak story pasal holiday 1week yang like 1 month for me….hukhukhuk T_T

Because of antara kawan-kawan terbaik saya…I’m the only one from peninsula….so guess what…I’m alone for that whole week….can u imagine it??? That’s why its felt like a month…siyesly..I tak tipu ni…macam sebulan rasanya…but for those yang going back to hometown of course la tak cukup holiday camni…mesti schedule pack… but I pun pack jugak…pack dengan waktu tido….waaaaaaaaaaa T_T

But…know what…

After about 1week worried because there’s some problem with my scholarship….

Need to manage everything……

And finally….alhamdulillah :D

I’ve already got my scholarship….yyaaaaaayyyyy….

At least…there’s something to be happy with….even though till now “NO SHOPPING”….

Oh…how sad dear…hukhuk T_T

But…even though tengah risau…sempat lagi pose….

OK….for this time..reveal about my treasure roommate…

Started my first year in university until my very final semester now…I live in the same room with her….

Now…we live in double room…hihihi…

And for your information…she is chinese….OK???

Here she is….gambar die 1…gambar saya banyak…hahaha….

Sume ni kat CANSELORI UMS.....

D bus stop..sempat lagi..kan xde orang.... :P

And also pic before this bored holiday started….walaupun takde kaitan…letak jela…

But…..its ok…..

CUTI DAH HABIS…..YYYYAYYYY!!!!!!!!

And….friends…hiburkanlah hati saya yang lara ini….^_-

p/s:  Thanks pza junsu bawa saya keluar aritu….sedap sangat spicy chicken rice kat OLD TOWN…. 

Lalalalalalalala :D

Now…am I an adult??

It seems like just yesterday that we talked about boyfriend and our childish ambition….

And now we already talk about marriage…husband…pregnant…having a baby…..

I never realizing that there’s so many times that I already left behind…and also there’s so many things that had happened and makes me who I am now….

I’m turn 24^th this year….but….am I mature enough?

Am I strong enough to face another challenging life….another challenging world of life….

Career…marriage...husband…pregnant…baby…

Am I really in that round of circle now???? Do I already need to seriously think about it???

Hmm…..

….My friends….there’s some of them….

They had marriage…..already had their own baby…already had a job…already had the life that I only can imagine about it right now…

I want to experience all that….but, am I preparing enough for such a life like that???

The answer…….I doesn’t know…….

They with their happy marriage life…..

And me??? Still confused about everything…..but I can’t help….this is me….

Maybe I will be confusing forever….

Even I marriage…has a husband…..get pregnant….have a baby….I will still asking…am I an adult??? (haha…seriously I’m grown up enough now….and of course I’m an adult)

To my BFFs…Pza Junsu...BB Turtle...Amy…n Kak CT…

We’re an adult now ok…..

And soon I’m looking forward to get an invitation to wedding ceremony you all….

And…..so…….!!

‘My Everything’…..when is our turn???

When???

Where???

How???

p/s: Leaving this entry with full of questions for ‘My Everything’ to answer…..

I know that I’m LACK in everything…

There’s no human being that is PERFECT….

Because there’s only ONE that is perfect….my love my everything…ALLAH s.w.t…

I know who I am…and I know what I’m doing…

As a human being….there’s sometimes that I feel so down so small so sad….and at that time…deep inside me...I feel useless…peoples never appreciate me because I am me….I am nothing except for creating difficulties for others….I do feels all that….

But…I’m not telling you that I am regret for being myself….

No matter how hard it is and how hard it will be in the future…..I will always facing everything….because I know Allah s.w.t will always be with me….and I will facing everything because I know…no matter what happen in my life…how hard it is….and no matter how hurt I felt….it is the best for me….

It gives me the goal for my life…it gives me the strength for me to be strong…it gives the meanings for me…for my life….

*****

Deep inside me….I always envy peoples around me….and always want to be like them….

But I know it’s so impossible for me…because I am me and not them….

And I always said to myself…

It’s ok…. T_T

It’s ok to just be ME….

I’m in the beginning of my last semester in university…

First thing first..sooooo sorry Miyo..3 weeks terabai..

Biasala…tak boleh slalu on air…oopss silap..tak boleh slalu online actually…

But will try my best to update u from time to time..

Ok..berbalik kepada main topic..

Jan 4^th.. I’m leaving Penang for Kota Kinabalu with full of laziness..sadness..spiritness (ade keh..haha)

In my heart..can’t wait to see all my BFF..Pza Junsu..BB Turtle..Amy yang kurus..n Kak CT yang genius n slumber…miss them so much..al maklumla..last sem tak sempat sangat nak hang out sama-sama..kitorang pergi jadi TEACHER sekejap…huhu…@ praktikal..

Soalan..Sesuaikah saya menjadi seorang TEACHER?

a.       A. Sesuai

b.      B. Sesuai sikit-sikit

c.      C.  Tak sesuai

d.      D. Bagus jangan jadi

Ok..apakah jawapan anda? Tolong jangan bagitahu saya..hahaha

Alhamdulillah…

This new sem..and also last sem as a student..as a Teslian..I just need to take 4 courses..

1.       Language Awareness (Compulsory)

2.       Comparative Literature (Compulsory)

3.       Pengurusan dan Pentadbiran Kokum Sekolah

4.       Pengurusan dan Pentadbiran Pendidikan

And Alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan dengan lancar…

Hope that I can do my very best in my very final semester…Insyaallah..

To all my besties…I hope we all akan berjaya dengan cemerlang…

We will hold our DEGREE soon…I can’t wait for that..

But deep in my heart…I’m afraid to face all that..

At the time I’m holding it (my degree)….

……I am one more step to the other world……other life….

……I am losing my besties…..the 4 people that is in this 4 year time…..I learned so many things from them….in this 4 year time…they had been being someone precious that lightened up my day…..thanks so much to them….especially to my treasure besties Fizah Junsu and BB Turtle….. T_T

Cute sgt pic nie....  :)

To Fizah Junsu…

Thanks 1 000 000 n more…for all your kindness….your help….your support…n everything…..and also thanks sooooo much to always lend ur ear listened to my problem…..and give me the strength for me to face everything….I owe u for that….

To BB Turtle…

Also thanks to all your kindness especially during our practicum time…..and also thanks for your guidance after that tragedy that happen in that house…..Having u between me n Fizah Junsu..u actually coloured our day and make it more colourful..

I’m soooooo sad right now….. T_T